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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211987">Somewhere, Under Your Skin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccbuckybarnes/pseuds/thiccbuckybarnes'>thiccbuckybarnes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Flood My Veins [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A little dash of humiliation, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Bucky Bingo, Bucky has feelings, College Student Steve Rogers, Coming Untouched, Embarrassment, Explicit Sexual Content, Grumpy Bucky Barnes, Hair Pulling, M/M, Mean Top Steve Rogers, Modern AU, Older Bucky Barnes, One Night Stand, Rimming, Scientist Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Has A Filthy Mouth, Top Steve Rogers, he is in for one hell of a surprise, minor D/s, reverse age difference, slight choking?? but not really, unknowingly submissive bucky barnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccbuckybarnes/pseuds/thiccbuckybarnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes treats himself to a one-night stand after having a very bad no good day.</p><p>The sex is good--great, even. Might be the best sex of his life.</p><p>But Bucky wouldn’t have slept with the guy if he had known that he was going to continuously run into him every day for the next fucking month.<br/>--<br/>Or, a Big Grump Bucky has a hot one night stand with a college kid who is popping up everywhere in his everyday life and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.<br/>(Written for HYBB Bingo Square: Grumpy Bucky)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Flood My Veins [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Hell Yeah Bottom Bucky</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Somewhere, Under Your Skin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for HellYeahBottomBucky Bingo square: Grumpy Bucky, although this may fill a few squares. Hopefully he is grumpy enough??</p><p>Bucky is a tsundere you cannot change my mind.<br/>Tsundere: hard and cold on the outside with a warm, melty caramel center.</p><p>This turned into something way bigger than I had originally anticipated. I really don’t think I can write short fic?? Why does this keep happening to me?? Why can’t I write short PWPs I need to look into this</p><p>Lyrics from the song Veins by the band Palace.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky has had a <i>day.</i></p><p>One of the kinds of days where everything possible could go wrong. From his coffee machine deciding randomly that this was the day, of all days, to crap out and die, to missing the train to midtown, to finally catching the train to midtown only for it to have a twenty minute delay, to finally getting to work and having the elevators down--well, you get the picture. It’s been a <i>day.</i></p><p>The one upside to this day was that he and Darcy finally, <i>finally</i> finished the calibrator for the quantum reactor that they have been working on for months. Stark himself came down to assess their work, and now it’s officially entering the testing stages. So, yippee.</p><p>To celebrate, the R&amp;D team is going out drinking. And by saying that Bucky is going to go out drinking, it means he is going to get tipsy AF and find someone cute to take home because he hasn’t had sex in a millenium. </p><p>Well, not quite that long. But Darcy makes fun of him for not taking advantage of his looks more often and finding some hunky poor soul to ride into the sunset. Bucky just rolls his eyes whenever she complains about his lack of love life. His love life was his work life. He was married to work. Building machines was his passion. He was a mechanical engineer for Stark Industries, for heaven's sake. You can’t exactly have a love life when you dedicate your life to developing quantum reactors.</p><p>So they go out; he, Darcy, Jane, Gwen, and the new intern Peter. They hit the town. It's a Friday, and Bucky had an absolute shit day until they stamped their project complete so he is getting some ass if it killed him.</p><p>He squeezes himself into his Hot Pants that he hasn’t worn since he was last in college six years ago. They make his ass look fantastic and he refuses to buy more nice clothes because he literally won’t wear them except once every decade. He was a pajamas-at-home kind of guy and had exactly four shirts and three pairs of pants that he cycled through at work. He had better things to spend his money on, like takeout.</p><p>He <i>was</i> gaining a few pounds, though. Maybe he should layoff some of the takeout. He still went running a few times a week, but he hadn’t done any… intense workouts in a while. He’s been busy with his work, okay? Work comes first.</p><p>As he stares at himself in the mirror, though, he frowns. His belly was rounder than it had been last time he thoroughly examined himself. Between the bags under his eyes, the three-days worth of stubble on his chin, and the absence of the defined abs he used to have way back when, he's starting to lose hope for himself.</p><p>He wears a looser button-up shirt so that the little excess skin that pudged out from his tight pants isn’t showing. He scowls at himself in the mirror for approximately three minutes before throwing his hair up in a bun, throwing his glasses back on, and giving up on finding someone to sleep with for the night. Whatever. </p><p>Darcy drags him out of his apartment, threatening to give him chemical shower cleaning duty for a whole month straight if he doesn't go out, so he relents and pulls himself out of his mini pity party. He doesn’t have to get fucked. He can still get drunk in celebration and then spend the weekend on his couch in his underwear, hungover and marathoning Treehouse Masters on Hulu. Same difference.</p><p>So, they’re out on the town, the five of them. Bucky is surprised Peter is old enough to even be let into a bar, but they’re all carded and nodded through. Bucky volunteers to buy the first round of drinks because they’re all sober and aren’t ordering expensive drinks yet, and if he offers first then they’ll leave him alone for the rest of the night. It’s not so much nice as it is strategic.</p><p>Whatever, he’s an asshole. Sue him.</p><p>He’s standing at the bar, waiting to get a turn to place his order when a hot guy in a tight light blue shirt comes to stand next to him. The shirt is so tight it makes Bucky a little self conscious, and he pulls his shirt away from his stomach a bit to make sure it wasn't clinging to his muffin top. </p><p>The bar is kind of rowdy, and it’s split between being a laid-back place for a drink and a big room where a DJ is playing music so people can dance in a big pit of sweaty bodies. So it’s understandable, really, that the guy ends up really close to him, kind of pressing into him. He’s hot, with an All-American look about him; a clean-shaven sharp jawline, blond messy hair, and bright blue eyes. The guy kind of side-eyes him, and Bucky knows what he sees--some old guy that looks like he just came out of a two-week bender. Which isn't really that far off.</p><p>So he ignores him when he’s able to flag down the bartender and place an order of drinks for the table. He waits patiently, hip cocked to the side and body leaning on the counter. He’s really minding his own business, he swears. </p><p>But the thing is, the guy keeps looking over at him. Stares at him a little. Bucky scowls, knows what he must look like to this guy. So what’s with the looks? He hates assholes like this, that think that just because they’re out in a public place that it was alright to just stare people down. Jesus, Bucky's day has been so shitty he can't even get a drink in peace.</p><p>He finally gets his tray of drinks, and squints his eyes at the blond hunk in a hopefully menacing way before spinning around and walking to their table in the back. When he gets to the table, Darcy is losing her shit.</p><p>“Oh my god, Bucky! That guy was staring at your ass the whole time!” she says gleefully, taking her drink in her hand and raising it to be clinked by everyone in cheer.</p><p>“He was so <i>not,</i>” Bucky grumbles, but dutifully raises his beer to be clinked. </p><p>“He <i>was</i> kind of staring at you,” Jane says. Jane’s not usually wrong, but in this case her double PhD isn’t holding its weight.</p><p>Bucky just takes a long pull from his drink and sets it down on the sticky table a little aggressively.</p><p>“Okay, who's getting shots?”</p><p>Three shots and two beers later, Bucky’s starting to feel looser. Darcy somehow drags him into the party room to dance. He hasn’t danced since college, so he feels stiff and stupid. But Darcy gets another shot in him and he feels better. In fact, he feels so good that he doesn’t give a shit if he looks stupid or not. He finished a calibrator to a quantum reactor today, god dammit! He feels good.</p><p>He spins around to Darcy but instead of his friend he sees the blond guy, who is giving him some kind of smile as he steps in. He raises both eyebrows at him and gestures between the two of them vaguely, and Bucky feels drunk and good so he shrugs and nods, turns back around in a spin and backs his ass right up to the guy’s crotch.</p><p>He feels big hands on his hips, the guy kind of grinding into him a bit. People definitely didn’t dance like this when he was a student, but he doesn’t care. He’s going to enjoy himself.</p><p>He lets his body move to the music, hips swaying to the beat. He's not sure if he's grinding in the appropriate form, but he doesn't really care. It's been a long time since he's been touched in this way, even with clothes on. Having a solid dick to grind his ass on is a blessing whether he's doing it well or not.</p><p>Blond guy’s hands start to trail around his body after a few songs, groping and squeezing. Bucky knows he’s squishier than he probably should be, knows he’s not toned or muscular like Blondie, but he pushes those thoughts from his head because the hands feel <i>good.</i> Like they’re appraising him, finding all the good spots of his body that make him shiver when they’re pressed.</p><p>He feels like a wind-up toy that is bursting to be let loose. He turns at the start of another song--the fourth one, now, that he’s been dancing with the blond guy. Blondie’s eyes are dark, his cheeks pink, and Bucky doesn’t know if it’s the warmth from dancing that did this to him, or if it was touching Bucky.</p><p>And you know, Bucky’s had a shitty day. So many things that could have gone wrong, went wrong. He came out to unwind and celebrate, and goddammit that’s what he’s gonna <i>do.</i></p><p>He takes a chance.</p><p>He leans forward to the blond guy’s ear, having to get up on his tippy toes a bit because the fucker is <i>tall,</i> which makes Bucky’s insides squirm a little. Blondie holds his waist tight and pulls him in, letting Bucky’s hands rest on his stupidly wide and muscled shoulders.</p><p>“My friends tell me you’ve been staring at my ass all night!” He shouts into Blondie’s ear so he could be heard over the music. Blondie’s hands on his waist flex, and he pulls him in harder so their groins are flush against each other, making Bucky’s eyes flutter at the feeling. He feels Blondie's nose brush the sensitive skin under his ear and Bucky's toes curl in his shoes.</p><p>“So what if I have been?” Blondie yells back over the music and gives him a wicked smile.</p><p>Well then. Looks like fortune is in his favor.</p><p>Bucky leans back in and yells, “You wanna get out of here?”</p><p>Blondie answers by getting distracted by Bucky’s mouth, and nods without pulling his eyes from it.</p><p>
  <i>Jackpot.</i>
</p><p>He grabs blondie’s hand and pulls him through the crowd, getting kind of rough and pushing some people out of his way because he has the chance to get some dick for the first time in probably <i>years</i> and he’s not going to let anyone get in his way. He catches Darcy and Gwen’s eye, and waves goodbye at them without even stopping. He was a man on a mission.</p><p>He pulls blondie out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. He’s asking, “You close? Because I’m probably five blocks away--” when the guy spins him around, grabs his chin with one big hand and a handful of his ass in another, and kisses him.</p><p>He’s kind of rough, which sparks a fire in Bucky’s bones. He opens his mouth and gets swallowed whole in the kiss, barely hanging on for the ride as the guy tries to <i>eat him</i>, but in a sexy way. His glasses kind of get squished between their faces and Bucky can’t focus on anything beside the hot mouth on his and the big hand groping his ass. When he finally pulls back, his pretty blue eyes look down at him, hand still gripping his jaw, the other still squeezing his ass.</p><p>“Hi, I’m Steve,” Steve introduces. Oh, cool. A name.</p><p>“Bucky,” Bucky replies a little breathlessly, and Steve gets a wide grin across his face, his eyes sliding back down to Bucky’s mouth.</p><p>“Hey pal, as much as I want you to suck the life out of me through my mouth, maybe we can find somewhere to do it in private?” He asks, full of sass, and it must catch Steve off guard because he laughs, sudden and unexpected.</p><p>“I’m two blocks west,” he says, and Bucky turns that way and grabs Steve’s hand. </p><p>“Cool, that’s where we’re going then.”</p><p>They walk in silence, which is kind of awkward. But Bucky’s probably been through more awkward things in his life. Like the time his sister pantsed him on his 21st birthday. Yeah, that definitely sucked.</p><p>Finally, they get to Steve’s building and Bucky is herded in. Like, physically herded. Steve is pushy, and it pushes all of the right buttons. When they burst into Steve’s apartment, the door flying open while they kiss against it, Steve practically slams it closed without detaching his mouth from Bucky’s.</p><p>"Christ, you're a handsy guy," Bucky says under his breath.</p><p>As soon as the door is closed, Steve rips his own shirt over his head and pounces on Bucky. His hands go back to his face, holding him firmly, forcing his tongue into Bucky's mouth in a way that's so domineering it sets him ablaze with want. </p><p>Steve walks him backwards as he devours his mouth, pulling away only to look where they're going. Bucky stumbles, but Steve won't let him go far enough to actually fall. They arrive in Steve's bedroom, tumbling through the dark and landing on the bed.</p><p>"You gonna let me fuck you?" Steve asks, having to pull his mouth far away enough to actually speak the words and be heard. Bucky just groans, startled by the bluntness of this guy.</p><p>"Jesus Christ," he swears, reaching up to touch all of those rippling muscles. "Yeah," he says, swallows, then he doesn't know why but he adds, "please."</p><p>Steve makes an absolutely feral noise at that, pulling back farther to get a good look at Bucky.</p><p>"Yeah?" He asks, hands trailing down to pinch his nipples, squeeze him all over. One hand squeezes his squishy side, where he's bulging a little over the hem of his pants. "You g'na be sweet for me? Mind you manners?" Steve asks, voice low and dangerous.</p><p>And Bucky--<i>Jesus</i>, Bucky's never been talked to like this, never been handled like this before. Steve is all force; he's big, uses that height and width and weight to put Bucky where he wants him, and now he's talking down to him?</p><p>Fuck, it makes Bucky's teeth vibrate he's so horny.</p><p>"Fuck, yeah," Bucky gasps, head falling back as Steve's huge hands continue to grope him all over, hot like fire wherever contact is made. He feels self conscious with Steve’s hands all over the parts of himself he doesn’t really like, but Steve’s palms are worshipful, his fingers tracing every curve like he’s trying to memorize them. "Yeah, I'll be as sweet as you want as long as I get dick."</p><p>Steve chuckles down meanly at him, pulling Bucky's shirt up to reveal where he's self conscious about, his pants digging into his skin. Bucky tries to pull his shirt down, isn't sure how much Steve can even see in the dark but he doesn’t want him to see or feel how out of shape he his, but Steve grabs his hands roughly and pins them down above his head.</p><p>Steve fixes him with an intense stare as he holds Bucky’s hands to the bed above him, serious like a <i>warning</i>, and Bucky gulps audibly as Steve ungrasps him to go back to touching Bucky wherever he wants. And Bucky, <i>gods</i> it’s so dumb because he hands aren’t being restrained, but it <i>feels like</i> they are. He lets out a moan, voice practically unrecognizable; it's too high and whiney, and Steve just makes a noise of amusement.</p><p>“Like that, do ya?” Steve asks rhetorically. His fingers are pinching Bucky’s nipples, tweaking and twisting them, rolling the hard nubs between his forefingers and thumbs. It makes Bucky cry out, squeezing his eyes closed, squirming from the fire it emblazens in him, questioning <i>why is this so intense?</i> It shouldn’t be this intense!</p><p>Steve continues his trail downward, wide, hot palms stroking down his exposed ribs and settling in the narrowest part of his torso between his ribcage and hips. His hands are <i>huge,</i> wrapping around his waist and squeezing roughly, then retreating just to pinch the fat of his belly. </p><p>Bucky yelps, head jerking down to see Steve between his legs, feet flying out but arms not moving from about his head. </p><p>“Cute,” Steve says as he smirks down at him, moving lower.</p><p>Bucky’s face feels like the surface of the fucking sun he’s so flushed, making him feel dizzy. Or maybe it’s from all of his blood rushing to his groin.</p><p>Bucky’s eyes slip closed as Steve unbuttons his pants, scooting them down his hips and down past his thighs. Bucky feels the cool air his hit erection as Steve peels his underwear down, and he has to turn his face into his shoulder to keep himself from looking down because he’s going to come so fucking fast if he looks.</p><p>Steve grips him and strokes him a few times, the thick fingers of his other hand pushing into the mound of public hair and digging his blunt nails in. Bucky’s head is spinning, tipsy from the alcohol but moreso drunk as fuck on the hotness of this fucking guy. What was the fucking <i>deal?</i></p><p>His hips jerk up unconsciously, trying to fuck into Steve’s fist because he’s so overstimulated he just needs to come, and Steve laughs and pulls his hands off. Bucky peeks an eye out from where his face is hidden in his shoulder just in time for Steve to grab him by his pants and roughly tug down.</p><p>Bucky yelps as he’s pulled down the bed by the force of it, his shirt rolling up under his armpits. Steve throws his now pants and underwear somewhere in the room, and turns to pull something from his dresser drawer.</p><p>Bucky sees a condom packet and a bottle of lube thrown on the bed before Steve reaches the button of his own pants, staring down at Bucky as he pulls down the zipper with a greedy expression. He drops his pants, making Bucky choke on the air in his lungs when he reveals that he was not wearing anything underneath.</p><p>And his cock was… intimating. It stood out from a thatch of pubic hair at the apex of Steve’s pronounced iliac furrow. Bucky’s mouth goes dry at it, and he’s just laying there stupidly with his arms still above his head wondering how he fuck that was going to fit it all inside of him.</p><p>Steve grabs himself in hand and starts stroking himself while just staring down at Bucky and why… why is that so hot?</p><p>“I think I want to watch yourself get ready,” Steve decides, and walks to his nightstand to turn on the light there. He half-lays down on his bed, two feet away from Bucky and propped up on his side, continuing to stroke his cock. “Get yourself open for me,” he commands.</p><p>Bucky just stares at him, face turned to him and eyes wide. </p><p>“W-what?” he asks, voice small and disbelieving. The light is illuminating both of their bodies; Steve’s hand still slowly jacking his own cock, Bucky parallel to him with his shirt rucked up and legs bare.</p><p>Steve reaches over and throws the lube on his chest.</p><p>“Finger yourself for me. I wanna watch,” say says, and there was a finality in his voice, like he wasn’t accepting objections.</p><p>And Bucky didn’t really know what to do. He’d never done this before; his past partners either did it for him, or he did it quickly in the bathroom away from prying eyes. He’d never put on a <i>show.</i></p><p>He could say no. He could just get dressed and leave. Steve wasn’t keeping him here. He was a pushy asshole, but he wasn’t forcing Bucky to do anything. </p><p>Steve raises his eyebrow, a small smirk on his lips like he was asking, <i>Really? Are you gonna disobey me?</i></p><p>Bucky’s flushed down to his nipples, thinking about how Steve had asked him in that deep voice, <i>You gonna be sweet for me?</i></p><p>It’s that thought that makes him finally move, lowering his arms that are a little numb from being held above his head for so long. He gingerly picks up the bottle of lube on his chest, and opens his legs a little wider.</p><p>“Mm, turn towards me,” Steve demands, and <i>god,</i> Bucky is going to die of embarrassment. He sits up and turns so that Steve can see between his legs, watching him appraisingly. Bucky sees him tug his dick harder, and it sends electricity down his spine and right into his cock at the thought that Steve is turned on by the view of him.</p><p>“Open wider,” Steve says, eyes never leaving Bucky’s groin. He wants to cover himself, wants to shield his most tender areas so Steve can’t see.</p><p>But he follows Steve’s direction, blaming his easiness on the alcohol. But knows he isn’t, knows he may be a little loose from the booze but Steve’s heated gaze burned away whatever drunkenness he had.</p><p>“There we go, that’s a pretty picture,” Steve praises, tilting his head so he could get a better view once Bucky opened his legs wide for him. “Lemme see that hole,” Steve says, and Bucky actually mewls out a whine at the order.</p><p>Obediently, he lies flat on his back, knees bent and thighs spread wide. He feels the air hit his most private parts, never looked at in this way before, like he was being examined. He’s dizzy from how hot this is, confused at why he likes it so much. It should be humiliating, and it <i>is,</i> but it’s so much more at the same time.</p><p>Steve hums in approval, and Bucky can hear the sound of his hand jacking his cock and his body feels like it’s overheating as he pours lube onto the fingertips of his right hand and he reaches down, his left hand cupping his balls and pulling them out of the way so <i>Steve can see.</i></p><p>He teases himself like when he masturbates by himself; circling the pad of his slick finger around his hole a few times to lube up the whole area. He pushes in a little, just enough for the tip of his finger to breach himself. </p><p>He can’t stop thinking about how Steve is watching him and tugging at his own cock at the sight of it. Bucky’s legs are practically in a split, his stomach creased in a roll, his eyes squeezed shut in how absolutely awful and wonderful this is at the same time. He’s breathing heavily when his finger sinks in deeper, and he can’t help the noise he makes when his finger makes its way all the way in.</p><p>“Mm, not enough, is it?” Steve asks, the sound of his hand still making noise on his dick. Bucky makes a noise in response, toes curling and the hand on his balls squeezing. He pulls his finger out and pushes two back in.</p><p>The stretch is more considerable, his hole clinging to his fingers so tightly. He exhales loudly as they sink in, the journey smooth and easy. He feels himself open around them, the hollow ache inside him only becoming more noticeable because of the tease of just his fingers <i>not nearly enough.</i></p><p>They continue like this, Steve watching him while slowly jerking his cock, Bucky fingering himself open. The angle isn’t good, and his wrist is getting sore, but by the time he’s tucking his pinky in, shallowly thrusting more than half his hand into himself, Steve finally moves.</p><p>He gets on his knees before Bucky notices, and lays one heavy hand on the underneath of his left thigh, pushing it hard into his chest, and the other hand goes to stop Bucky’s work. </p><p>Bucky retracts his hand, sticky with lube. Steve grabs the bottle and pours some on his own fingers, and without even a word, he plunges three thick fingers in.</p><p>Bucky makes a ragged noise, head thrown back at the welcome intrusion. Steve’s fingers were bigger than his, and at his angle he can directly target Bucky’s sweet spot without even needing to feel around for it. It was like there’s a homing beacon on inside of him and Steve’s fingers were the missle.</p><p>Steve pumps him thick fingers in and out of him, making wet squelching noises that revitalize the dark blush Bucky knows he’s sporting. Steve coos down at him, still pushing his leg in hard, and pulls his hand out to push all four fingers in.</p><p>Bucky sobs out another foreign noise, head thrashing back and forth, trying to bear down on his fingers. It felt <i>good,</i> better than he ever remembers it feeling. He got around in college, and had a few one night stands since--even had a disastrously short relationship with Asshole Who Shall Not Be Named--but he doesn’t remember ever feeling this needy, feeling this hot, feeling this <i>ache</i> to be filled wholly and completely.</p><p>Steve was ruining him, totally and absolutely ruining him.</p><p>“You ready, sweet thing?” Steve asks, voice low and rough. Bucky feels his skin erupt in goosebumps at it, and can’t help but look up into those bright blue eyes.</p><p>He almost looks unaffected, which makes Bucky’s cock throb. He’s only a little flushed, breathing only a little heavy. And as Steve rips the condom wrapper open and rolls the protection onto himself looking like he’s keeping his cool, Bucky can’t help the noise he makes.</p><p>His chest trembles as it heaves, his eyes watering while Steve nonchalantly drizzles more lube on his covered dick. This dynamic--Bucky completely ruined and gagging for it with Steve commanding and indifferent--makes him reach a level of arousal he doesn’t think he’s ever felt before. It feels like lava is sitting in his belly, like every touch is like a voltage, like the air is too thick to be able to breath.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re all sweet on me now, aren’t you?” Steve asks as he hovers over Bucky, his big body leaning over to encase him completely. Bucky blinks hard and feels tears spill down the sides of his face. He feels the cockhead kiss his hole, making him twitch and clench down on nothing. </p><p>It’s awful; the emptiness makes him groan, closing his eyes tightly and turning his head away as Steve starts to push in.</p><p>“Look at me,” Steve demands, and Bucky shakes his head, embarrassed, mortified at how badly he wants it, how much he needs it. </p><p>Steve’s hand is suddenly gripping the loose bun tied on his head, hair yanking in his grip to force Bucky’s face towards him. He meets those bright blue eyes, scalp burning from his hard grip, and Steve pushes himself in, and <i>in.</i></p><p>Bucky’s mouth opens in a silent groan, his voice stunted from the intense feeling of opening up for that dick, like it’s splitting him open. Something that big is not meant to breach him there but it forces itself to, slick from the lube and so boiling hot that Bucky feels like he’s burning from the inside out.</p><p>“There you go, sweetheart,” Steve says, keeping his eye contact with him as his cock sinks into the hilt. Bucky can barely breathe; he’s so full, bursting to the brim, mouth open in a silent moan. And it’s so overwhelming, he must be dying--he has to be dying.</p><p>“That’s right,” Steve says, voice cracking just the tiniest bit. “<i>Take it,</i>” he says, almost like a swear under his breath as he pulls out and slams back in.</p><p>Bucky does make a noise, then. It’s strangled, clawing itself out of his chest. He can’t take his eyes off Steve--hasn’t been told yet he can look away, so he physically can’t bring himself to. Steve just fucks him, looking down at him with that hungry expression, muttering humiliating, wonderful things to him as he pumps in and out of Bucky’s body.</p><p>He feels taken, completely. He feels like he’s been picked up and tucked away somewhere, shielded from the world in a way he’s never been before as he’s blanketed by Steve’s body. And yet, he feels cracked open, like an egg splattering over and over again on the pavement, insides being smeared all over to Steve’s liking. </p><p>Steve’s a beast, fucking him with abandon, glowering down at him as his hips wetly slap the back of Bucky’s ass.</p><p>He can’t describe the feeling well enough, how perfect that rough <i>slapslapslap</i> is, how it feels to be filled that wholly where he’s ached for so long without noticing it. Like a hunger lying in wait, not rearing its ugly head until he was so famished he could die.</p><p>But Steve was feeding him, fucking him so perfectly, holding his hair tightly in his grasp as he whispers filthy things to him.</p><p>“<i>So sweet, taking it so sweet, aint’cha Buck? You just need some dick in that ass, didn’t you? Not running that sassy mouth when you’re full, are ya honey</i>?” And Bucky is nodding, agreeing with whatever Steve says, because it’s true, isn’t it? He just needed to be filled. Just needed to be fucked.</p><p>Steve makes an animalistic noise, hand tightening in his hair, eyes blinking shut and Bucky--</p><p>Bucky fucking <i>comes,</i> cock spilling all over his belly as Steve continues to pound into that perfect little spot inside of him. His body convulses with the electricity of his orgasm, legs and arms unwillingly spasming as they jump and twitch involuntarily. He thinks his eyes roll back, because his vision goes hazy from the overwhelming feeling, but those blue eyes are burned into his eyelids.</p><p>Steve slows in fucking him, and he feels hot and hulimated that he’s still clenching wildly around him but he can’t help it; his cock feels even bigger now, his hole made small and tight from his spasming muscles.</p><p>Steve moans loud and filthy in his ear, and rides out his own orgasm while humping Bucky in small little aborted thrusts. Bucky sighs heavily, not realizing he had held his breath as he came. His body starts to loosen and relax, and he feels wet and sloppy.</p><p>Bucky’s not really sure what to say or do--he’s not really great at one night stands. He’s just an awkward science nerd and Steve was hot and heavy and softening in his ass. Like, what do you say to that?</p><p>“I can’t feel my face,” he ends up saying, and it’s true. His body is still shivering a bit, residual trembles zipping up and down his body. Steve seems to be delighted by that, because he grins wide and cute.</p><p>“Lemme clean you up,” he volunteers, and slowly pulls himself off and out. Bucky finally has a chance to catch his breath, flopped down on the bed and staring up at the blank ceiling. Jesus christ that was an <i>experience.</i></p><p>He feels weird about it, though. Doesn’t know what to think. It was so humiliating that he liked it so much. And when Steve comes back, stark naked with a washcloth to wipe him down with, humming under his breath and looking nothing but happy and unaffected by what transgressed just moments ago, Bucky feels himself go out of his head a little bit.</p><p>He’s not usually like this. He has normal sex, when he gets around to having it. Most times he bottoms, sometimes he tops. A good 60% of the time it's mediocre and the rest of the time it’s really good.</p><p>But <i>this.</i></p><p>This might be the best sex he’s ever had.</p><p>Steve finishes washing him up, cleaning up the mess on his stomach and dick, tucking into his crack to wipe up the lube there. Bucky feels broken open, exposed. More so than he did even when his legs were wide open and he was opening himself up for Steve.</p><p>“Wanna shower with me?” Steve asks, smiling down at Bucky. And this Steve is--totally different. He was so demanding before, so pushy, and now he’s sweet, pushing Bucky’s flyaways from his mussed bun out of his face, looking tender and soft.</p><p>Bucky can’t find his voice, body shocked by the sudden flip in character. Why does he like it? <i>Why does he like it so much?</i></p><p>He shakes his head, stutters out a no, and Steve shrugs and grabs a pair of fresh underwear from his dresser.</p><p>“Don’t go nowhere,” Steve says, plants a kiss on Bucky’s mouth when he sits up finally, and walks out of the bedroom to go shower.</p><p>And Bucky--Well, Bucky has a fucking breakdown.</p><p>He hears the pipes groan as the shower is turned on in the next room. He looks around the room, feeling kind of frantic. He’s embarrassed, feeling like he just put on a show for a crowd of a hundred people when it was just Steve. </p><p>He feels anxiety spike in his chest, and he looks around, trying to calm down by acquainting himself with his environment. Steve was nice, meant no harm. He just somehow made Bucky want things he’s never wanted in his life and it’s big and scary but doable, isn’t it?</p><p>His eyes land on the desk adjacent to the bed, and right on top of the desk is what looks to be a big book. Curious, Bucky stands and walks over to it. He does not expect what he sees.</p><p>It’s a textbook. A school textbook titled Monumental Expression in the Ancient World. It’s a fucking art history textbook.</p><p>Panicked, he looks around, sees a backpack on the floor next to the desk, sees an<br/>
NYU hoodie hanging on the door to the closet, sees the assortment of notebooks, pencils, and books across the bedroom that says only one thing:</p><p>Steve is a fucking college student. Steve, who just fucked Bucky into oblivion, is some kind of macho jock kid that studies art history.</p><p>Bucky panics. He legitimately panics, stumbling around the room to find his pants. They’re inside-out of course, so he scrambles to get his pants back right-side-out. He fumbles for his keys, phone, and wallet, and hastily grabs his shoes as he runs out into the main room.</p><p>He doesn’t even look around the apartment in his hast, can only focus on the still-running water of the shower in his distress. He belatedly realizes he left his shirt in the bedroom, so he just grabs whatever shirt is on the floor in the living room.</p><p>He stops to put it on, still holding his shoes in his arm, but he hears the water turn off and he just runs out of the fucking door, shirtless and shoeless as he runs down the hallway to the staircase.</p><p>He manages to get the shirt on by the time he runs out the front door of the apartment building. He’s frantic, running down the street and looking back in fear that he’ll see Steve, but it’s just an empty sidewalk in the middle of the night. He runs to the end of the block and turns the corner sharply, pressing himself against the building there and trying to catch his breath.</p><p>He, 33 year old Dr. Bucky Barnes of the R&amp;D department of one the world’s leading research facilities, he who <i>knows better</i>, slept with a fucking college student and had the best sex of his life. He’s humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed--and heart broken in a way he can’t bring himself to analyze at the moment.</p><p>God fucking damn this day can’t get worse.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~</p>
</div><p>Bucky absolutely sulks all weekend. He ignores Darcy’s inquiries about his hot piece of ass that he got on Friday night, instead sending her a meme about a dog doing science and calls it a good enough effort. He eats ice cream in his underwear and binges Treehouse Masters on Hulu and sulks and sulks and sulks.</p><p>(He wears Steve’s shirt all weekend, promptly ignoring what the fuck it means. It’s a comfortable shirt, okay? And he’s sad as fuck. He’s never going to get his shirt back, and he’s sure as shit not going back to Steve’s apartment to return this one. Leave him alone and let him wallow in self-pity and loathing.)</p><p>By Monday, he’s in a horrific mood. He barely grunts answers to his colleagues when they try to talk to him. Darcy pushes the issue, and Bucky just walks out of the room. She’s short with him for the rest of the day and he can’t bring himself to care.</p><p>His back is killing him from his bad posture, sitting around all weekend and spending ten hours in the lab hunched over his work desk, and he’s looking forward to coming home and slathering himself in Icy-Hot cream to soothe his achy muscles.</p><p>But when he gets home, depressed and defeated and just wanting to collapse in his bed and go the fuck to sleep, he opens his medicine cabinet to find a thoroughly empty tube of the ointment that Past Bucky had been an asshole and left.</p><p>He could almost cry, and he feels his soul detach from his body as he stares at the empty tube. All he wants, <i>all he fucking wants</i> is to go to sleep, ignore the self loathing he’s been harboring in his gut since Friday night, and just go to sleep.</p><p>But he <i>can’t</i> because his muscles are screaming at him, and no doubt he will regret his actions in the morning if he just collapses from exhaustion in a bad sleeping position for ten hours and makes his back worse. He closes his eyes, takes a steadying breath, and heads back out of his apartment. </p><p>He changes from his lab clothes, throwing on Steve’s thoroughly used shirt, sweat pants, and a large hoodie to hide his shame. A trip to the bodega on the corner is not going to kill him. He can do this.</p><p>He can’t do this.</p><p>He gets his Icy-Hot cream, another tub of Half Baked Ben &amp; Jerry’s ice cream, and the highest dosage of pain reliever he can buy over the counter. He’s sore and tired, but he’s in and out of the bodega in record time. He reaches the street corner, waiting with a handful of other people for the traffic light to change so they can cross the street.</p><p>Except when he looks up he sees <i>him</i>, kitty corner from the corner he’s on. He’s walking across the street, headphones in his ears when he looks up and makes direct eye contact with Bucky.</p><p>It’s Steve.</p><p>He has an unreadable expression on his face, looking grave and serious. But as he walks across the street, even in the distance Bucky can see Steve look him up and down. His face changes just as he reaches the corner, directly across from Bucky, where Bucky needs to go in order to get home. </p><p>Bucky looks down at himself, and sees Steve’s shirt poking out from under the hoodie. It wouldn’t be noticeable to anyone, except it’s a bright blue shirt. Steve has clearly figured it out.</p><p>Self consciously, Bucky pulls the hoodie down and looks away, but tries to peek at Steve through the corner of his eye. All he can think about is what those blue eyes have seen-- and they’ve seen <i>everything.</i> Bucky had been split open and raw, all for Steve. And now, all Bucky wants to do is put it behind him. Wait another six months before he goes out and finds another mediocre guy to have mediocre sex with like he did before Steve. He doesn’t want to be looked at by those eyes again; those eyes that see right through him, know what he is, what he wants, what he likes, what he’s done. </p><p>Maybe he’s embarrassed. Maybe he shouldn’t be. Maybe he should talk to Steve, apologize for running out on him. But what would have happened? Worst case scenario, Steve would have asked him to leave. Other worst case scenario… he would have asked him to stay. Tried to get to know him. Tried to date him.</p><p>Bucky isn’t the dating type. This is best for everyone. No matter how Friday could have ended, this was the best way. </p><p>Steve’s watching the traffic light, and as soon as the light turns red and the pedestrian walk sign flashes, Steve is jogging across the street towards Bucky and Bucky---</p><p>Bucky <i>runs.</i></p><p>Panicked, he runs down the sidewalk he’s standing on, away from the intersection. He hears Steve yell, “Bucky!” but he doesn’t turn back. He runs down the block, looks out into the oncoming traffic, and then like a mad man possessed, he runs right into traffic towards the alley that crosses behind his building.</p><p>Cars honk at him, and he barely manages to avoid getting hit, but he keeps running. Gods, he is crazy. Steve makes him crazy. But his heart is in his throat beating wildly, pulse rabbit-foot quick, and he tears into the alley and keeps running. He glances behind him, sees Steve trying to cross the road but needing to stop, and he turns around and keeps running.</p><p>When he’s finally at the back entrance to his building, he fumbles for his keys. Steve’s just running into the alley when Bucky gets the door open, and he stumbles in just in time to slam the door closed, locked from the outside with no way Steve can get in.</p><p>He’s in the stairwell, pressed against the wall next to the door and breathing heavily. He’s not <i>scared</i> of Steve; not afraid of getting hurt. He’s afraid of much more. The door doesn’t have windows, so he jumps when he hears the rapping knocks on its heavy metal.</p><p>Bucky slaps a hand over his mouth, trying to keep his breathing quiet. He stares in fear at the door, legs jelly from running and too in-shock to move away from the door and run upstairs to the safety of his apartment.</p><p>“<i>Bucky, c’mon. Open the door,</i>” Steve says, voice muffled and hard to hear. Bucky stays perfectly still, hand clasped over his mouth, insides twisting in unknown emotions as he stares at the door like Steve is going to pop through it at any moment. “<i>C’mon, Buck. What did I do? I know you had a good time. What made you run away?</i>” he asks, and Bucky hears a soft <i>thump</i> like Steve knocked his forehead onto the door.</p><p>It’s quiet for a moment, and Bucky has to fight the uncontrollable urge to reach up and open the door. He doesn’t know why he wants Steve so bad; doesn’t understand this gravitational pull he has. He wants nothing more than to climb into Steve’s arms, have the guy cover his body again with all of his big muscles and stupidly blue eyes.</p><p>But Bucky’s <i>scared.</i> He fucked a college kid--a college kid that made him <i>feel things.</i> Things he doesn’t mess with. Things he hasn’t revisited since The Asshole Who Shall Not Be Named. Bucky doesn’t <i>do</i> relationships, doesn’t do <i>feelings.</i></p><p>But he knows, gods does he know, that getting involved with Steve would lead that way. It’s already led that way.</p><p>“<i>Why’ya wearin’ my shirt, Buck? You miss me?</i>” Steve asks, and jesus, does he know that Bucky is there? Can he hear him? Bucky finds himself reaching for the doorknob, his fingers just grazing the cold brass, heart hammering in his ears, when he hears a loud sigh from the other side and the sound of footsteps walking away on pebbly pavement.</p><p>Bucky all but falls onto the stairs, collapsing on a step and putting his face in his hands while he tries to breath.</p><p>That was too close.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~</p>
</div><p>But it continues. </p><p>Despite his bad mood, he gets wrangled into going out to dinner with the R&amp;D crew after work to a spot near Stark Industries. Darcy has been leaving him alone for the most part, but is clearly not happy with him being such an asshole. He just keeps his distance, frowning down at his work.</p><p>They get seated in the back at one of those huge half-circle booths to fit all five of them. Bucky is on the end, right across from Darcy. He’s staring at her while she tries to communicate with him with her irritated expression, so he doesn’t see the waiter approach the table.</p><p>“Hello everyone, my name is Steve and I’ll be your waiter this evening. Can I start everyone off with some drinks?”</p><p>Bucky immediately glances up in shock to see Steve, and then rushes to sink into his menu, listening to his coworkers rattle off their drink orders, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. He can’t run away this time; his friends would never let him live it down.</p><p>“And for you, sir?” Steve asks, amusement dancing in his voice. Bucky does not peek out from his menu, and grumbles out a, “Just water is fine.”</p><p>He hears Steve walk away and he finally looks out from his menu to see the whole table staring at him, with Darcy having a particularly smug expression.</p><p>“So <i>that’s</i> why you’ve been such an asshole, huh?” she asks, arms folding across her chest and lips twisted up in a smirk. Bucky groans and hits himself in the face with his menu.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Gwen asks, to which Darcy laughs,</p><p>“That’s the guy Bucky took home from the club last week!”</p><p>Bucky drops his menu onto the table and shushes Darcy.</p><p>“Be quiet!” he whispers harshly, and looks around to see if he could spot Steve. Jesus, how did they pick the one place Steve worked?</p><p>“No!” Darcy snaps, folding her arms across her bosom. “You’ve been a dick <i>all week,</i> and here I am thinkin’ it was something <i>I</i> did. But it’s <i>not,</i> it’s that guy,” Darcy says, throwing a finger over her shoulder to point at where Steve is at his wait station making their drinks. “So you’ve been an asshole to us for <i>nothing.</i>”</p><p>Bucky sinks further into the booth, wishing the floor would just open up into a black hole so he’d never be heard from again.</p><p>“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m going through a bad time, so can we please just get through this dinner as painlessly as possible, because--”</p><p>“Here we go,” their waiter--Steve--says, setting down Bucky’s glass of ice water in front of him. All of the breath in Bucky’s body leaves him in a long, pained sigh. Once they all have their drinks, Steve asks them if they are ready to order.</p><p>Bucky’s not--hasn’t even looked at the menu in favor of hiding behind it. He has half the sense to just order a vodka on the rocks and get blitzed on an empty stomach but ends up just ordering chicken fingers and fries. Steve quirks an eyebrow at him with a funny smile and Bucky promptly does not look at him for the rest of the meal.</p><p>Except his waist looks ridiculously tiny with his little black severs apron tied around his waist, and his biceps bulge from his stupid work polo. Darcy catches him checking Steve out with a cheshire smirk and Bucky wants to <i>die.</i> He determinedly frowns into chicken tenders.</p><p>Of course, when the meal is over and Steve hands their cards back after they’ve paid, Steve’s phone number is scrawled on the back of Bucky’s receipt with a heart. Bucky crumples it up and leaves it on the table, not giving Steve another sideways glance.</p><p>“I don’t understand you. What is wrong with Steve?” Darcy asks him later while the two of them are walking to the train station. She’s got her arms threaded around Bucky’s left arm and she looks genuinely concerned for him. Bucky sighs heavily.</p><p>“He’s in <i>college,</i>” Bucky says with a bite, scowling at the thought that the best fucking sex of his life was with some frat bro. (That’s an overstep, but Bucky’s fragile. Leave him alone.)</p><p>Darcy is quiet for several minutes.</p><p>“Like, a freshman in college or…?” She asks. Bucky rolls his eyes dramatically.</p><p>“Does it matter? I’m 33. And, I’m not looking for a relationship, especially not with someone so young. He’s nice to look at and was a great hookup, but at the end of the day, that’s what is he--just a one-time hookup,” he says, but even he could admit that his voice didn’t sound entirely too convinced.</p><p>They walk another block, the New York air crisper than normal. Bucky kind of wishes he wore another layer, but Darcy is warm next to him.</p><p>“Did he say he wants to date you?” she asks, voice full of reason. Bucky feels something inside him get chipped away. She always knows how to run around his argument.</p><p>“Well, no, but--”</p><p>“Then why can’t he be a multiple hookup?” She asks. It’s a valid question. A good question to boot. And the answer is not one that he’s proud to admit. </p><p>He stops in the middle of the sidewalk (something you don’t just <i>do</i> in New York) and looks at her, emotion stuck in his throat like a big glob of peanut butter.</p><p>He feels like he’d break at the words, suddenly feeling like he’s chipped glass that’s about to be dropped on the cold, hard cement. She knows him well, though, and makes a noise of concern when she looks at him. She pushes his hair back and holds his arm tighter.</p><p>“Buck, it’s been years,” she says, quietly. He takes a shaky breath and they start to walk again.</p><p>“I know,” he says--obviously, he does know. But Asshole Who Shall Not Be Named got his title for a reason. Maybe Bucky is holding onto the ghosts of his past too tightly, but he can’t help it. That relationship <i>hurt.</i> And he never, ever wants to go through that again.</p><p>And Steve--Steve made him <i>feel things</i> just within a few hours. Bucky has never fallen flat over his feet like that before. Steve blew him over with just one night, and Bucky can’t imagine what could happen if he gave him more time.</p><p>It would be devastating.</p><p>“Don’t you think you’re assuming the worst?” she asks quietly. “I mean, who knows. Steve could be a great guy.”</p><p>“I’m sure he is,” Bucky responds. The truth to his words make him ache, because he knows them to be right. Steve took such good care of him--he clearly cares a lot. “But the bottom line is, I don’t want to find out. End of discussion,” he says, a little clipped. Darcy just squeezes his arm tighter.</p><p>When they finally make it to their subway stop, she lets him go. She punches him in the arm before their train arrives.</p><p>“Okay but, your boy troubles are no excuse for treating me like shit,” she says. The threat in her voice makes Bucky smile.</p><p>“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, which earns him a smile from her.</p><p>Fifteen minutes later, they part ways when Darcy gets off at her own stop. Bucky spends the rest of the train ride decidedly not thinking about Steve--and failing miserably.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~</p>
</div><p>He wakes up gasping and hard.</p><p>His dream slips away from him like smoke, but the memory of big, hot hands all over him and ocean blue eyes peering down at him have him pinned and weak to the arousal rushing through him.</p><p>He doesn’t even think as he pulls his boxers down enough to get his cock free, and takes himself in hand without pausing to think that he shouldn’t--shouldn’t think of Steve this way. Shouldn’t touch himself to those memories that he was hiding from.</p><p>But he can’t help himself. He grasps himself tightly, and thinks of Steve’s hands on him; how big and hot they were on him. Those piercing blue eyes looking into his soul, that mean mouth smirking down at him as he watched Bucky do as he was told like he was Steve’s personal plaything.</p><p>How mean his words were, how condescending but hot. They lit Bucky up like a match, making his skin sweat and prickle at the memory of being called <i>sweet</i> and <i>honey.</i> He bossed Bucky around, pushed him and maneuvered him to lay how he wanted, do how he wanted, get fucked like how he wanted him to. It was the craziest sex he’d ever have.</p><p>And he wants it again; aches for it. He wishes Steve were here now, fisting him instead of his own hand. He imagined Steve over him, whispering those dirty little things to Bucky, making secret promises that were just between them. Wished he was here to wreck him, split him open like he had and fuck him again.</p><p>Bucky comes quickly over his pumping hand at that image; Steve pressing him down into the bed and whispering dirty things to him. He chokes on his own moan, making his lungs ache but making his orgasm hit him harder.</p><p>By the time he catches his breath--chest heaving with streaks of his come ruining his shirt, he tucks himself back into his boxers, swiftly peels the shirt off of himself to throw it across the room, and promptly passes the fuck out.</p><p>He dreams of blue eyes.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~</p>
</div><p>Over the next two weeks, Bucky sees Steve <i>everywhere.</i></p><p>He’s in the coffee shop, he’s across the street, he’s even in his bodega buying bananas and Advil. Bucky ignores him every time, secretly sneaking glances and running away as quickly as possible. He thinks Steve is stalking him now,--convinced of it, really. He knows where Steve’s apartment is, and even if it’s only ten minutes away by cab, there’s no reason for Steve to be in Bucky’s neighborhood so much.</p><p>Except it makes sense because apparently Steve also works at a little arts and crafts store down the street from Bucky’s apartment building. He finds this out because he is walking to his favorite coffee shop on a Saturday morning and looks in the window to see Steve in a little green apron (again with the aprons, making Bucky’s mind run wild) helping some old lady pick out paints from the selection on the wall. </p><p>Bucky hurries out of view quickly, and avoids walking directly in front of the shop on his way back with his coffee in hand. It makes sense--of course Steve isn’t stalking him. But that look Steve always gives him when they run into each other--smug and knowing--always made him wonder.</p><p>(Bucky purposefully walks past the store three more times that week, only seeing the blond girl that must work with Steve. He doesn’t admit to himself that he’s disappointed.)</p><p>The next week and it’s officially June. The days start to get hotter, and Bucky is enjoying the sunshine.</p><p>Until the summer interns come in. The R&amp;D department usually gets a few, which is always a frustrating but also rewarding experience. But it’s not his department’s interns that he’s upset about. He’s working on a new prototype with Gwen when Stark brings in a batch of interns on a grand tour.</p><p>“And here is our Research and Development Department. Abigail and Tyler, this will be your new home for the new two months. Don’t worry, none of them bite except for Barnes,” he said with his usual sense of grandiose and snark.</p><p>Bucky looks up from his work to quip something back at Stark, but all he sees is blonde hair and blue eyes, looking at him in surprise from the back of the group. He’s tall, so of course he’s a head higher than the rest. But Bucky’s eyes go straight to him, and his mouth falls open in surprise.</p><p>Steve is an intern at Stark Industries. Just his fucking luck.</p><p>“What have we here!” Darcy exclaims with glee. She walks over and waves to the fresh meat. “I’m Dr. Lewis. Welcome to Stark Industries,” she greets.</p><p>Bucky frowns, knowing exactly what she’s doing. She <i>never</i> addresses anyone on tours. They’re just background noise and usually in the way of their work. She’s only making a show because she sees Steve.</p><p>The group goes around in a circle, introducing themselves and the department they’ll be working in. Darcy shakes the hands of Abigail and Tyler, who are both apparently interning in the R&amp;D department. When it’s Steve’s turn, he avoids Bucky’s wide eyes.</p><p>“Hi, I’m Stev Rogers and I’m interning for the Graphic Design and Marketing Department,” he says with a bright smile, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. Bucky notices he’s in a crisp white button-up shirt and a blue suit jacket. He looks… really good.</p><p>“Okay! Now we’re behind on tour. C’mon, group. Let’s go pester Dr. Banner next door,” Stark says, waving them to follow him. Then, Steve is gone like he was never even there, disappearing back behind their door.</p><p>Darcy spins around and smirks at him, to which Bucky just snaps, “<i>Don’t,</i>” in warning and goes back to work, silently fuming for the rest of the day.</p><p>It’s all he can think about for the next few days. Internships don’t start until the 14th, but soon he and Steve will be working in the same <i>building.</i> Definitely on different floors, but Steve knows where he <i>works.</i> He could find him at any time. Bucky feels raw and open; like Steve can see parts of him that no one else can see. But Bucky can’t see anything of Steve’s.</p><p>It’s a weird dynamic, and definitely uncomfortable. And yet, Bucky doesn’t <i>hate</i> it. He’s not scared of Steve, not worried about him. The only thing he’s scared of is that now, Bucky has a much higher chance of falling for the stupid bastard. He feels like he just can’t <i>win,</i> like all he’s asking is to be left alone and occasionally have a good hookup, but the universe is laughing in his face and presenting him with the one thing his heart really aches for but he’s too scared to pursue.</p><p>It comes to a head that weekend. Bucky has taken to running in the morning when he can bring himself to get out of bed. He heads to a park a little out of his way but has good running paths. It’s not too terribly early, but early enough that the sun hasn’t had a chance to get hot yet and there aren’t a ton of people out and about.</p><p>He, quite literally, runs into Steve.</p><p>There’s a fork in the path and Steve turns and starts jogging right at him, except he clearly doesn’t see Bucky. He has his earbuds in and a distant, determined look about his face. He’s sweaty and handsome and Bucky trips on his own shoelace and falls right into Steve.</p><p>Steve, thankfully, has good enough reflexes to catch the both of them and prevent them from hitting the pavement, but Bucky is humiliated. Steve is all worry, noticing who he is immediately and asking if he’s okay. He misses Steve’s touch instantly when Steve pulls away.</p><p>“I’m fine, I’m fine. Sorry, uh, shoelace… came undone,” Bucky says, and then kneels down to tie his stupid shoe that he definitely double-knotted like always. The fucking universe is out to get him.</p><p>“Hey, I wanted to tell you… I had no idea you worked at SI,” Steve says, and the tone of his voice makes Bucky look up. Steve’s being serious, and clearly apologetic. “If I had known--”</p><p>“I’m glad you got it,” Bucky rushes to say, face heating at how quickly his words left his mouth. Steve looks a little taken aback. “You’re an art major, right? Stark’s a great company, and you’ll be taken care of there. Don’t… sacrifice what you want because of me,” he says. Steve’s face morphs from open shock to.... Kindness.</p><p>The smile on his face is so soft, so sweet. Bucky finds himself wishing that Steve would always look at him like that. Being on the receiving end of that smile makes him feel things he’d rather not analyze.</p><p>But it’s good. Steve makes him feel good, just by smiling at him.</p><p>“Thanks,” Steve says. Then, he’s reaching into his pocket. He takes out a small pen. Without asking, he gingerly takes Bucky’s hand and writes on the back of it.</p><p>“This is my last attempt,” Steve says, voice calm and steady. “If I don’t hear from you, I’ll take the hint. I’ve just been… holding out, thinking I read you right. But maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know,” Steve was saying. </p><p>Bucky’s breath is in his throat, helpless in watching Steve write his phone number onto Bucky’s skin in black ink like they were in high school. Steve’s hand is warm and a little sweaty--but it’s perfect. His skin tingles where he’s being touched and written on, and he almost doesn’t want Steve to let go.</p><p>But then Steve is dropping Bucky’s hand, and giving him another smile. But this one--this one isn’t like the one before. It looks careful, and sad. It breaks Bucky’s heart, and he doesn’t know why.</p><p>“Have a good day, Buck,” Steve says, low but soft. And then he waves goodbye and starts jogging again in the direction that Bucky had come from.</p><p>Bucky watches him go, feels the distance grow with every step Steve takes. His heart hurts, like it’s been broken all over again. Which, is silly because Steve was finally doing what he had wanted him to do all along--to give up on Bucky and leave him alone.</p><p>But it hurt. It hurt, just like the first time. It hurt like the time with Asshole Who Shall Not Be Named. Which was exactly what he was trying to <i>avoid in the first place.</i></p><p>It became clear to Bucky all at once than no matter how much he convinced himself that he was guarding his heart from Steve, he fell for the stupid idiot anyway.</p><p>He sulks the rest of the day.</p><p>He stares at the number on the back of his hand, and curses himself for already memorizing it. He hovers over his sink several times, intent to scrub the digits off, but he can’t get himself to do anything but take a light shower and gently wash his hands a few times.</p><p>In a moment of weakness, he enters Steve’s number into his phone under the name of Do Not Contact. Bucky stares at it for an hour, and finally gets up to pour himself a glass of whiskey at 8PM. By 9, he’s drunk.</p><p>He has the bottle on the living room coffee table. He’s melted into his couch, some food show playing mindlessly in the background. He hesitates to text Darcy about his interaction with Steve that day--as much as he wants to tell her, he can’t handle a voice of reason at the moment.</p><p>At 10PM, he calls.</p><p>He justifies it because he’s drunk. He figures that he can always use that as an excuse. After two rings, the call is answered.</p><p>“<i>Hello?</i>” And it’s--a woman’s voice.</p><p>Bucky hangs up and throws his phone across the room like it was a bomb. His heart is hammering in his chest, his breathing coming quickly, and all he can think is <i>I was too late.</i></p><p>He is utterly devastated.</p><p>Later, he’ll blame the whiskey, but for now he succumbs to his feelings and he cries into his knees. Tucked up on the couch with a quilt thrown over his shoulders, he mourns the relationship that could never happen. He waited too long, stupidly convinced that Steve was too young, that he didn’t want a relationship, that he didn’t want <i>Steve.</i></p><p>But they were all excuses. He was just scared of how Steve made him feel so much so quickly; Steve took him to heights he hadn’t even known about, opened him up and embarrassed him and made him feel so good in just a handful of hours.</p><p>Steve chased after him through <i>traffic.</i> He apologized for unknowingly getting employed at Bucky’s work. He was a good guy--nothing like the Asshole. He’s already proven in six hundred ways that he’d treat Bucky well, that maybe they could be happy. Whether they were just fuck buddies or if Steve was interested in being more serious… now Bucky will never know.</p><p>His phone is vibrating like crazy on his hardwood floors. When he finally gets the will to walk over to it, he flips it over to look at the screen with shaking fingers.</p><p>
  <i>Incoming Call: Do Not Contact</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Three Missed Calls: Do Not Contact</i>
</p><p>
  <i>10:22 PM Do Not Contact: Buck? Is that you? Answer me please</i>
</p><p>Bucky stares down at his phone in disbelief. He waits too long, because just as his screen is starting to dim, his phone jumps to life again with another call. It’s Steve.</p><p>He answers it without waiting a heartbeat.</p><p>“Hello?” he asks, nervous butterflies aflutter in his stomach and dancing up into his chest.</p><p>“<i>Bucky?</i>” Steve asks. It’s <i>Steve.</i> Steve called him back. Steve’s worried. Steve wants to talk to him.</p><p>“Hi,” Bucky responds meekly, sitting down on the edge of his armchair. He stumbles a bit, though, and he’s suddenly reminded of how drunk he is.</p><p>
  <i>Fuck.</i>
</p><p>“<i>Sorry about earlier, I was at a friends house. How are you?</i>” Steve asks, but something like wind makes his voice a little muffled. Was he walking outside at this time of night?</p><p>“Uh,” Bucky responds, head swimming a little. His last shot was hitting him a little hard, and after all the panic making his adrenaline rush through him, he was feeling extra tired and loopy. “I missed you,” he confesses--and it’s not what he was planning on saying, but it was what he was thinking after feeling Steve’s voice in his ear.</p><p>He can’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed by the omission. Steve makes noise in his throat.</p><p>“<i>I’ve missed you too sweetheart. Are you okay? You sound--</i>”</p><p>Bucky sniffles, eyes filling with tears. Gods, Steve has <i>missed him.</i> He’s missed Steve so much. He’s thought of that night over and over again, imagining what could happen if they had more time, if Bucky hadn’t run away, if Steve were a little older.</p><p>“<i>Buck? Are you okay</i>?” Steve asks, sounding concerned, which makes Bucky cry harder. He’s never been an emotional drunk, but something about Steve worrying after him opens the floodgates because he doesn’t <i>deserve it.</i> He doesn’t deserve Steve, doesn’t deserve his kindness after what he’s put Steve through.</p><p>“Yeah,” he lies, breath hitching on a muffled sob. He scrubs at his eyes with his free hand, knocking his glasses about and skewing them on his face and hoping that his tears would stop.</p><p>“<i>You don’t sound okay. Are you home?</i>” Steve asks. Bucky hears some car honking in the background of their call. He wonders where Steve is, where he is going.</p><p>Where he was coming from. Who that girl was.</p><p>“Yeah,” he replied with a sniffle. He sinks into the armchair he’s on and closes his eyes. “Yeah, I’m home.”</p><p>“<i>Still in that big white apartment building on 16th?</i>”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky answers, not really paying attention to Steve’s questions but lulled by the familiarity of that voice in his ear. He missed Steve so much. He imagines Steve with him now.</p><p>There’s a weird noise, like a shifting of atmosphere. Steve must be getting home.</p><p>“<i>What floor do you live on?</i>” Steve asks.</p><p>“7th floor,” Bucky responds, but his drunk brain is starting to perk up. “Why?”</p><p>“<i>Apartment number?</i>” Steve asks, ignoring Bucky’s question.</p><p>Bucky sits up and frowns down at his floor. “Why?” he asks. </p><p>It’s quiet on the line for a moment, but Steve eventually speaks.</p><p>“<i>You called,</i>” Steve says, stating the obvious. Bucky feels self conscious all of a sudden, and even though Steve can’t see him through the phone he covers his face.</p><p>“Yeah, I did,” Bucky admits. Steve hums, sounding happy.</p><p>“<i>So I’m here. What apartment? Buzz me in.</i>”</p><p>Bucky’s heart leaps out of his chest, and for some reason he spins around to look at his door.</p><p>“What? You’re <i>here</i>?” he asks, surprised but somehow reserving his hope. If Steve was messing with him, he’d be crushed.</p><p>Objectively, in the back of his head, he knows this is a bad idea. He’s drunk, and Steve is his weakness. He shouldn’t see Steve like this.</p><p>But why not? He’s made them wait long enough. If Steve is here, he wants to see him. He’s been dying to see Steve, to touch him again. And maybe they don’t have to <i>do</i> anything, but they need to at least talk. Bucky needs to tell him how he feels. He needs to apologize.</p><p>Bucky gets up on shaky legs and pads over to the door where his intercom system is. He presses his forehead to the cool wooden door and closes his eyes. He hears Steve’s quiet breathing on the line, and knows in his heart that all he wants, regardless of what tonight’s outcome is, is to see Steve again.</p><p>“<i>Buck?</i>”</p><p>“7F,” he says, and holds down the button that unlocks the entrance door. He hears the buzzer on the phone, and hears the door open and then close behind him. His pulse is beating wildly as he hears the elevator ding, and then the doors open and close.</p><p>Steve is quiet on the other line, and for several moments it’s nothing but silence between them. He hears the elevator doors open again, and less than twenty seconds later there’s a knock on the door.</p><p>Bucky hesitates, keeping his eyes squeezed shut with his forehead still pressed against the door. Steve is on the other side of his door. Steve is here, at his apartment, wanting to see him. <i>Steve wants to see him.</i></p><p>“<i>Buck,</i>” is all he says, voice sounding like it’s breaking, like he’s imploring Bucky to just open the goddamn door. He’s vividly reminded of before when he had run home, how he had stood on the other side of that door. He wonders how things would have worked out if he had just opened it for Steve the first time.</p><p>He opens it now.</p><p>Steve looks good.</p><p>He’s wearing a smart trench coat with a light blue sweater and some jeans. He seems taller than Bucky remembers, even leaning against the doorframe like he is. He looks good. Great, even.</p><p>Bucky looks like shit. He was crying. His hair is messy, he’s wearing small pajama shorts and an oversized NYU sweater, and he swayed a little as he stood. He knows he hasn’t shaved in a few days, and his glasses were smudged from wiping his eyes. He’s also pretty sure he reeks of whiskey.</p><p>But Steve just takes two big steps in, gathers Bucky’s face in his hands, and kisses him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Bucky says as soon as Steve breaks the kiss, leaning back enough to look at him and smooth his hair out of Bucky’s face. “For everything, I’m sorry,” he apologizes again. Steve just makes a noise and closes the distance between them again to press a sweet kiss to his mouth.</p><p>“Are you drunk, sweetie?” Steve asks, peeking into his apartment to look around. Bucky’s sure Steve sees the whiskey bottle on his coffee table. Instead of answering, tears spring forth from his eyes again.</p><p>“Aw, honey, it’s okay. How about we get you to bed, hmm?” Steve says. He kicks off his shoes and turns around to deadbolt Bucky’s door, and then immediately gathers Bucky in his arms.</p><p>Steve leads him to the bathroom, which takes him a minute to find but Bucky’s apartment is only a one bedroom so it isn’t too difficult. He shoos Bucky in to start his nighttime routine and then disappears. Bucky sniffles through washing his face, brushing his teeth, and relieving himself before bed. </p><p>When he walks back out of the bathroom, Steve had put away the whiskey bottle and was now ushering Bucky into the bedroom. He’d put his jacket somewhere and was holding a glass of water, which he makes Bucky drink. He leaves as Bucky starts to undress, but comes back with a pill bottle and a fresh glass of water to leave on the nightstand.</p><p>Bucky changes out of his sweatshirt into a sleep shirt but is already in pajamas shorts. Steve takes off his own pants and sweater and is left in just boxers.</p><p>“No funny business,” Steve says, pulling Bucky in under the covers and bringing him in close to his chest so his big arms could wrap around him. Bucky instantly feels cared for and safe, tucked into Steve’s arms and pressing his face into Steve’s neck. He smells so good, and feels so good. He’s much too tired to feel anything but exhaustion and contentment.</p><p>He quickly falls asleep.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~*~</p>
</div><p>When he wakes up, he’s facing away from Steve and is spooned up to Steve’s body. Steve must recognize that he’s awake, because he pulls Bucky in closer to him and holds him tightly. Bucky sighs happily into his pillow, revelling in the warmth and comfort of being gathered up in Steve’s arms.</p><p>Time floats by in the late morning light. It’s only when Steve gets up to pee that Bucky starts to evaluate his decisions. They need to talk--he needs to apologize--and they need to figure out what happens from here. Bucky, feeling a little pathetic about it, knows he’s probably going to take Steve any way he can get him.</p><p>But… he wonders. Steve wouldn’t have gone so hard on trying to talk to him if he only wanted to fuck again, would he? Even though he hasn’t expressly communicated that he wants to date Bucky, Bucky can only hope for that conclusion.</p><p>When Steve comes back, sliding back under the covers and pulling Bucky in back where he belongs with his clothed chest against Steve’s bare one and their bare feet and ankles tangling together, Bucky works up the courage to talk.</p><p>“I’m sorry, for everything,” he says, voice not braving to go above quiet. Steve gives his middle a squeeze.</p><p>“It’s okay. I just want to make sure I’m not like… forcing you, or anything. I was pretty confident that you were just, I don’t know, scared? I don’t know what spooked you out,” Steve says, voice soft and low, spoken into the back of his neck.</p><p>Bucky takes a deep breath.</p><p>“You’re in college,” he says, like that could explain every anxiety that Bucky has had about this relationship. Steve chuckles lowly into his hair.</p><p>“<i>Was</i> in college. I graduated last month. I had been hoping to turn my internship with Stark into a job by the end of the summer,” Steve says, and Bucky--</p><p>Bucky feels kind of dumb. Because if they hooked up in late April, that means that Steve was right about to graduate. And he just simply never asked.</p><p>But Steve’s still young, he reasons. He’s entitled to be weirded out about their age difference. Bucky was 21 when he finished his bachelor’s, and he imagines Steve to be around the same age. Which means Bucky is at least ten years older than him.</p><p>Bucky turns around in Steve’s embrace to face him. He’s not embarrassed, but instead intent to solve this problem. He needs to work out the evidence from both sides and come to a conclusion.</p><p>“How old are you?” he asks, and then realizes that this should have been a conversation long ago. But Steve was just a hookup; a one night stand. It didn’t <i>have</i> to happen. </p><p>Steve just smiles.</p><p>“I’m 22,” he says. “How old are you?”</p><p>“33,” Bucky replies, and frowns. “I’m not going to lie. Our age difference makes me a little uncomfortable. It was part of the reason I got so freaked out and ran away,” Bucky confesses, looking away from Steve’s bright blue eyes to look at his smooth chest instead. Not a bad sight at all.</p><p>“Part of the reason? What was the other part?” Steve asks. Bucky frowns further, and knows his face is heating up. <i>Now</i> he’s embarrassed.</p><p>“Promise not to laugh at me?” he asks, glancing up at Steve and seeing the younger man with a soft smile on his lips. Lips that Bucky wants to kiss.</p><p>“Promise,” Steve rumbles.</p><p>Bucky lets out a long breath of air.</p><p>“The sex was really wild and I really liked it and it made me question my entire life, pretty much,” he says, tucking his face into Steve’s neck so he doesn’t see Steve’s reaction.</p><p>Steve is quiet, but his arms tighten around Bucky and his big. A hot hand runs up and down his back.</p><p>“Oh, honey. It’s okay. I mean, it was really intense for me, too. I’m sorry if I did any-”</p><p>“No!” Bucky cuts in, looking up and pressing his hands against Steve’s pecs. “N-no, it was nothing I didn’t like. It was just really, uh overwhelming? But like, a good overwhelming. Like you showed me things about myself that I didn’t know were there, and it freaked me out that such a young guy could do that, and I don’t exactly have the best track record with relationships and--”</p><p>Bucky freezes, mouth clamping shut. <i>Shit,</i> did he really just blurt that out? What if Steve didn’t <i>want</i> a relationship? He probably looks like an absolute mess to Steve right now.</p><p>“Hey,” Steve says soothingly, one hand coming up to brush through Bucky’s messy hair. Bucky looks at him, sees that handsome face with such an open look of honesty and kindness. That was the look that sold Bucky.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart. We can talk about it. I’d--well, if it wasn’t obvious, I’d really like to date you. But I don’t want you to feel pressured or nothin’. Thank you for being honest with me,” Steve says, and smiles at him so warmly Bucky’s toes curl.</p><p>“I’d… like that. To try that,” he says, feeling brave, like he was overcoming a big fear. “But, I have a lot of… baggage. Later, I think we should talk. Just so you know what you’re getting yourself into,” he says, meaning for it to sound funny but it really just makes him sad as he says the words. Steve just coos at him and pets his hair some more.</p><p>“I’d like that. But trust me Buck, whatever idea you have goin’ on in your head I’m sure seems much worse in there than it will when you tell me. Even if we have some road bumps, you’re worth chasin’ after,” Steve says before leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.</p><p>Bucky feels his bottom lip tremble.</p><p>“You don’t know that,” Bucky says, voice small and wavering. Steve just continues to smile down at him with that look upon his face, like he was happy and warm and content just being here in bed with Bucky in his arms. Like he was more sure of Bucky than anything.</p><p>Bucky can’t help but feel like he’s going to disappoint Steve, and that’s going to be devastating.</p><p>But he took this gamble when he made that phone call last night. Bucky made that decision; to take a chance on Steve, regardless of the outcome. Maybe they won’t work out, maybe Steve will agree with Bucky’s ex that he’s too cold, indifferent, and distant. Maybe, like his ex, Steve will fault him for their relationship ending, accuse Bucky of caring more about his work than their relationship, regret ever meeting him.</p><p>“Hey, <i>hey,</i> sweetheart, where ya’going in that head of yours?” Steve asks, thumb brushing across Bucky’s cheek. “Do I gotta do some convincing to make sure you know how bad I want you?” Steve asks, and suddenly Bucky feels like he’s wrapped up tight by a giant octopus about to devour him.</p><p>Steve gives him an evil little smirk; mean and hot like he had the night they met.</p><p>“I-I just don’t want you to regret anything,” Bucky stutters out, voice bubbled with his emotion but he’s quickly becoming breathless for a whole other reason. Steve’s hot hands--seriously, why were they so warm?--rubbed him all over, swiping up and down his back until one crept low enough to grab at his ass.</p><p>“First night I saw you, I couldn’t believe how gorgeous you were,” Steve says casually, so casually it makes Bucky’s eyes flutter closed. When he speaks again, it’s hot on his lips. “And this <i>ass,</i>” he nearly groans, then pecks Bucky once, twice, and gives Bucky’s bottom a harsh squeeze, making Bucky choke on a moan. “Needed a piece so bad. But then when I got your attention, you were so sassy with me. Loved shutting you up with my cock,” he groans, pressing hot kisses into Bucky’s neck.</p><p>“Got all sweet with me then, didn’t you?” Steve asks, a knowing smile in his voice. “Come to find out, you’re stubborn and determined and smart <i>as fuck</i> and I just knew the more and more I got to know you that I had to try absolutely everything to get your attention,” Steve says, trailing kisses down his neck to suck on the bone of his collar. Bucky tries to steady his breath, but it’s difficult when he’s getting so hard so fast.</p><p>“Mm, I want you to listen to me now,” Steve says, and grabs Bucky’s chin between his fingers. Bucky blinks his eyes open up at Steve. “You’re gonna go shower and get nice and clean for me, okay? Then I’m gonna show you just how much I want you.”</p><p>The finality in Steve’s voice has Bucky catapulting himself out of bed as soon as Steve lets him go. He rushes through washing himself, but gives himself a little extra time to clean his groin and ass thoroughly. He’s practically vibrating with excitement and arousal.</p><p>He hurries back into the bedroom, hair dripping wet and towel tied around his waist. Steve is standing at the end of his bed with a condom and Bucky’s lube on the sheets.</p><p>“What a pretty picture you make,” Steve says, advancing on Bucky like a predator to its prey. He cups Bucky’s jaw, kisses it, and then walks behind him,</p><p>“C’mon, honey. Know you need it, don’t you?” Steve says, lips pressed against the shell of his ear. The vibrations from his voice sent sensations down his neck and jaw, making him gulp loudly. Steve’s big, hot hands move up his bare chest, thick pads of his fingertips brushing against his nipples. </p><p>Bucky’s breath hitches, his eyes falling closed as he tries to focus on breathing. He feels like his skin is too tight and too hot, like he had to be unzipped and let out because otherwise he was going to explode. How does Steve <i>do this</i> to him with just a few words and touches? One of Steve’s hands moves up his chest, leaving a trail of goosebumps as it loosely wraps around the front of his neck. Bucky can’t help the moan he lets out, feeling the pressure there; not really squeezing, just holding him.</p><p>It’s a gentle reminder; <i>I’m in control here.</i> It makes Bucky’s knees weak, and he falls back against Steve a little.</p><p>“Been too long, hmm?” Steve asks, voice conversational and sweet, but it has that lilt to it that makes Bucky feel like Steve’s teasing him. He continues to press kisses into the back of his exposed neck and around to his ear, muttering innocent yet filthy things to him while his free hand rubs up and down Bucky’s front; touching his nipples, thumb swiping across his collar bone, hand smoothing down his squishy tummy that he’s so self conscious over.</p><p>“Poor boy, kept yourself away as long as you could, hmm?” Steve asks in a low whisper, lips trailing to his jaw as the hand around his throat squeezes a little. Bucky groans, brain telling him he’s being choked even though he could breathe just fine. It still makes his breaths ragged, his cock strain hard in his towel. “Just need it so bad, can’t stay away, can you?”</p><p>“<i>Steve,</i>” Bucky moans, eyes slipping open to look at the dim ceiling. The room was quiet besides the two of them, and it made Bucky hot that his breathing was so loud, that he was making these choked-off moans even though Steve hasn’t really done anything yet. Steve was right; he needed this. His body screamed for it; crawled right on back to Steve even though he tried so hard to keep away.</p><p>And why? Because Steve was young? He proved that didn’t matter at all. What Bucky really couldn’t handle was the way Steve had made him feel--still makes him feel. The addictive humiliation that makes his cock ache and heart thunder away in his chest. Steve took one look at him in the bar and uncovered parts about him he didn’t even know about. Steve saw right through him, and it set Bucky on fire.</p><p>He had been so hesitant of the heat; scared, at first. But now he wants to burn alive in it. Can’t help himself.</p><p>He must make a noise because Steve is shushing him and using his free hand to release the towel from his hips, leaving him bare. Steve steers him a little forcefully towards the bed, hand still firmly placed around his neck. Bucky’s head is swimming, already hazy from being pushed around. He’s not sure what’s wrong with him; why he likes Steve being pushy, why it gets him so hot. He’s not sure he could ever fuck the same old boring way again.</p><p>“There, you’re so ready for it, aren’t you?” Steve asks as he pushes Bucky down onto the bed, face first. Bucky feels a weird sensation rush through him when Steve lets go of his neck to do it. He’s conflicted suddenly, like his body is glad that the danger has retreated but he <i>misses</i> the pressure. It makes his head spin, so he’s distracted when Steve palms his exposed ass.</p><p>Bucky lets out an indigent noise, immediately flushed from being bent over on his knees with his bare ass up in the air. Steve just hums in appreciation, and uses those big hands to grope and rub his cheeks. He uses his thumbs to pull his cheeks apart better, to see his hole.</p><p>Bucky’s absolutely on <i>fire,</i> face hidden in the crook of his arm. Gods, he’s never had a partner that wants to <i>look at him</i> so intently; maybe they’d look at him up and down appreciatively, but never like this. Never <i>study</i> him, never look at him so hard that the vision of his hole is burned into their retinas. </p><p>His breath catches at the thought that Steve has replayed the images of him bare and spread out, of him fingering himself open just for Steve. Bucky shivers, knowing he’s thought about Steve; touched himself to the memories, wondering if Steve has done the same.</p><p>“What’s got you shakin’, hm sweet thing?” Steve asks, crawling his big body over Bucky. He uses one hand to hold himself up, but still has to push Bucky down into the mattress a bit to cover him. Steve’s other hand goes to the bun of hair on his head, pulling it to the side, making his face visible from where it had been hiding in his arm.</p><p>Bucky shakes his head, not wanting to voice what he had been thinking about. He’s already hot and aching for it, needy in ways he has only ever been with Steve. He’s already <i>embarrassed,</i> and thinking about telling Steve how he had touched himself to the memory of them together is almost too much for him to bear.</p><p>“Don’t want to obey me, do you?” Steve asks, teasing. His hand tightens in his hair and yanks, making Bucky exhale harshly. God, why does this turn him on so bad? “Don’t be a bad boy, Buck. What happened to you bein’ sweet for me?” Steve asks, and <i>oh.</i></p><p>Bucky whines pathetically at his words; for some reason they stroked something deep and hot inside of him; thinking about being <i>sweet</i> for Steve.</p><p>“I--I was thinking about how I had, uhm,” he swallows thickly, eyes squeezed closed so he didn’t have to look at Steve when he says what he’s about to say. “I t-touched myself thinking ‘bout you--” Steve’s hand tightens further in his hair, making Bucky’s eyes slide open and looking into those bright blues “and wondered if you had… too,” he finishes lamely.</p><p>He feels like there was a bubble in his throat, warping his voice and making him sound pathetic and wanton. But Steve’s eyes are heated and intense looking down at him.</p><p>“Yeah, Buck. I touched myself, thinkin’ about you,” Steve says in that low rumble of his. The confession punches the air out of Bucky’s lungs, makes him rub his neglected erection into the bed. “Thought about that sweet ass, how good you feel,” Steve says, pressing himself down harder onto the older man, his hand tightening further into his hair, making Bucky moan.</p><p>“Thought about how sweet you get when you’re shown a firm hand,” Steve murmurs into his ear. Bucky’s eyes roll back, thinking yes, <i>yes.</i> That’s what he wants, what he needs.</p><p>Steve chuckles down at him.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I have <i>plans</i> for you,” Steve assures, and then all at once, he’s off of Bucky and the bed.</p><p>Bucky peeks out from the corner of his arm and over his shoulder to see Steve watching him heatedly as he stripped. All he needed to do was drop his boxers, but the way he looks at Bucky when he does it makes Bucky’s brain short circuit. </p><p>“Push that ass up,” Steve commands, and the sweet, smiling Steve from an hour ago was gone. This was demanding Steve, and he was about to blow Bucky’s mind.</p><p>Bucky obeys him without question, getting up on his knees and curving his back so the tip of his chest was brushing against the mattress, and his head still in his arms. Steve climbs on the bed behind him, palms at Bucky’s cheeks and smacks the left one once. Bucky mewls, surprised at how much he liked the bite of the slap.</p><p>“Be good and don’t come,” Steve warns, and then spreads Bucky’s ass with his hot palms, thumbs digging into the crack, and tongues at his rim.</p><p>Bucky sputters, mind grinding to a screeching halt. He has <i>never</i> had someone put their mouth that low, and he moans high and loud at the feeling of the hot, wet muscle lapping his hole. He can’t believe the sensations, they were so <i>good,</i> and all he can do is moan into his arms and grind his ass back onto Steve’s face.</p><p>Steve’s grip on his asscheeks tighten, and the sharp feeling of his fleshing being squeezed so hard helps ebb the sharp arousal coursing through him, especially as Steve’s tongue starts to dip into him and force its way in. Bucky spasms around the intrusion, groaning loudly into the mattress, and tries to force himself to relax so Steve can go deeper.</p><p>It’s so good he nearly has an out of body experience; while he loved getting fucked and fingered, he’d never really noticed how sensitive an area it was. Or maybe--maybe it was just Steve, and his inane ability to set him on fire wherever he touches. Regardless of the reasons, Steve’s expert tongue circling, dipping, and fucking into him makes his head spin and his cock ache.</p><p>After several minutes, he feels a finger sneak in with his tongue, and Bucky whines high and loud, begging for another. It’s been over a month since they fucked for the first time, and even though Bucky had gone far longer between hookups, this time he felt the starvation for it. His body knew what the best was, and it wanted it all the time.</p><p>He knew it then and he knows it now; Steve ruined him.</p><p>He vaguely hears a click of a cap, but several seconds later Steve’s removing his tongue and replacing it with two slick fingers. The pads of his fingertips know exactly where to go and how hard to rub down, and it makes Bucky go cross-eyed at how good and sudden it feels. Steve tortures him a bit, rubbing him deep and mean right over his prostate for several moments, making Bucky cry into his arm and push back onto Steve’s fingers. It must please the younger man, because he bites Bucky’s right ass cheek and then sucks a bruise there while he switches to scissoring and pumping his fingers in and out.</p><p>By the time Steve is done getting him ready, he’s four fingers deep and Bucky feels thoroughly fucked. Steve withdraws, and must wipe his hands on something because then he’s grabbing at Bucky’s sides and pulling him up so that he’s sitting on his knees.</p><p>Steve’s left hand goes straight to the base of Bucky’s throat, and his other wraps around his middle. Steve is spooned up behind him, with Bucky’s knees pushed together and Steve’s muscular thighs on either side of him. The hand on his throat leaves momentarily to press the tip of Steve’s condom-covered cock to his loosened hole, but it quickly returns with Steve’s lips at the back of his neck.</p><p>“You tell me to stop, I’ll stop,” Steve says, and waits for Bucky’s frantic nod in understanding before Steve is pushing in. “Let go, smack me, anything,” he’s saying, and then he’s pushing forward.</p><p>It had been big the first time. While he was aware of that fact, he remembered what it felt like, how deep it went, how wide it stretched him, his body forgot. Because Steve pushes in slowly all in one go, continuous and unforgiving. Bucky’s moaning, high and whiney, hands holding tight to Steve’s forearms as he is fully impaled on Steve’s cock.</p><p>Again, Steve’s hand isn’t so tight on his throat, but the constant reminder that it <i>could</i> be makes his breathing stall and choke. Steve is whispering sweet nothings into his ear, kissing the whole back of his neck as his big, meaty hand is wrapped loosely around the front and his cock is slowly pulling out a little just to force its way back in.</p><p>Bucky is in <i>heaven.</i></p><p>The way Steve can make him feel so much at once--feel so <i>good</i>--makes him feel like he’s losing his mind, going somewhere else like a different plane of existence. Bucky can only see the headboard and his boring grey wall but his body feels <i>everything</i>, and as Steve starts to adamantly grind into him in the best way he can in this position, Bucky’s mind whites out entirely.</p><p>He knows he’s making noise, and knows it feels like it’s hard to breath even though his airway is clear. He feels every inch of Steve inside of him, as he pulls out and thrusts back in. His cock is itching to shoot off, his knees pressed together tightly and Steve forcing his posture straight so there was no possible surface to rub himself onto. The fact that his hands were free to move didn’t even register to him; he couldn’t let go of Steve, in fear Steve would remove his hand from his throat.</p><p>He’s nothing but sensation; eager, mean, forceful sensation, every thrust bringing him closer to coming hard and violently. Like he’s tiptoeing around the precipice, he knows he’s almost there. He feels dizzy, and like his skin is on fire, like Steve’s cock is splitting him open and taking what it wants. Feels like his cock is in his gut, fucking him so hard and deep he wonders if he could physically see where it was hitting inside of him.</p><p>Realistically, he knows he couldn’t. He’s a science man for gods sakes. But the idea of Steve being so big and deep that Bucky could see his cock protruding makes him involuntarily clench down hard on the dick inside of him, makes his breath stutter in his throat, and Steve whispering in his ear, “<i>You gonna come on my cock, Buck? This greedy ass gonna come?</i>”</p><p>And he’s--coming.</p><p>Steve’s hand releases the gentle hold it had on his throat and shoots down to pump Bucky through his orgasm, but besides that Bucky is only aware of the crashing pleasure ravaging his body. Steve fucks him through it, and Bucky is spasming wildly around him, only making Steve feel bigger and hotter and harder.</p><p>Bucky thinks maybe his soul left his body he feels so good; the molten pool of lava in his gut being electrified and shot through his body, to every limb and finger and toe, his cock feeling like it could be completely empty and he’d still be coming.</p><p>And Steve--Steve groans low into the back of his neck, hips stuttering and grinding in deep before giving little aborted thrusts that tell Bucky that he’s using Bucky’s ass to milk his orgasm to the last drop. He feels his own cock give a last throb at the thought, that Steve could use his body and feel so good from it that he can’t help but thrust until he’s utterly spent.</p><p>He’s breathing like he’s hyperventilating, but he feels <i>wonderful.</i> Steve eases out of him, and then gently places him belly-down onto the bed. He lays directly in his come, but doesn’t care because he has to wash his sheets and take another shower anyway.</p><p>Steve kisses down his back, and then rubs his ass a little more before laying down next to him.</p><p>Bossy Steve is gone in a blink, replaced with sweet and snuggly Steve.</p><p>“Carry me to the shower, I can’t feel my legs,” Bucky groans, flopping his head down into his arms. Steve just pecks his temple, and chuckles a little, and really that should have set off warning bells in Bucky’s head but he was much too thoroughly fucked to pay attention.</p><p>Which is why he squeaks loudly when Steve stands and then scoops Bucky up off the bed, and then proceeds to literally carry him to the bathroom.</p><p>Much later, Bucky will think back and wonder why he was so hesitant about all of this, why he was so scared. </p><p>All he can know for certain is that one of the worst and most frustrating days of his life ended up bringing him Steve, to which he is eternally grateful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To be continued...maybe?</p><p>Did you like it?</p><p>Come scream at me on Tumblr @thiccbuckybarnesfic</p></blockquote></div></div>
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